I’ve come to meet four distinct companions who clamor about in my mind. The cumulative effect of years of therapy and inner work is that we’re all getting to know each other now, rather than simply bumping into each other. In an effort to meet them with curiosity instead of resistance, I’m listening to what they believe to be true, what they believe their work to be, what they believe they’re protecting *me* from, and why they work so tirelessly. They are speaking back. I’ll share what I learn, here, in these poems.
The Caretaker
Stay, my darling, in the seat of tender loving care
I’ll keep watch and mind the threats of danger over there
You retreat and guard your heart from sudden shocks of pain
I’ll absorb them, blow by blow, until they fade away.
Once was quite enough, but twice? We never will again
allow this heart to open up and let such pain creep in
Far too many times your wanting vigilance did slip
But mine, my dear one, is as rigid as the hangman’s grip.
I’ll anticipate the needs of everyone you love
I’ll compel solutions from the ashes, if I must
Never will the words, “Your fault” fall on my darling’s ear
I’ll ward them off by taking care of everything, my dear.
You are young and breakable, your heart is still so new
I’ve arranged a strategy for everything you do:
I’ll go first and toss my body long upon the sword
My love for you is endless, I’m the waves who crash the shore.
Don’t you see I ache for you? Don’t you feel my love?
Better I than you to take the beating, bruising shoves.
One day you will thank me for this place I’ve built for you
Sit still behind the bars, for now, it helps the chains feel loose.